Because I said so….Part 2 of 2
Yesterday I left you talking about the difference between in implicit and explicit compliance.
You may be reading this and see this as a very subtle shift. And that’s okay because it is a bit of a subtle shift but an extremely powerful one.
The difference in results you’ll get when your child believes in what you told them to do, you’ve given them a reason they can get behind, and in their own mind the child is saying to him or herself this is a good course of action, you’ll be amazed at the results and the performance you get out of your child.
The other cool thing you’ll get is long lasting compliance.
When the child really believes in what you said to do, with the command you gave and they start acting upon it they will keep doing so.
This means much less work for you since you don’t have to keep telling them over and over again to do it. And much less frustration because:
there’s no repeating for you, no rebellion for them.
The difference between temporary and long lasting compliance is vast. Because it requires far less energy from you and is way more efficient because you don’t have the “mouse in the spinning wheel” repeating process going on.
Lots of the world’s greatest leaders throughout history have studied and pondered how to get more voluntary and lasting compliance from their subjects or their soldiers. Because they inherently knew this was the best and easiest way for everyone involved.
You should follow their lead because make no mistake you are a leader.
The onus of burden is on you as a parent to be better and to take the time to give them the reason.
You’ll get so much more of what you want when you give clear instructions and back them up with good logical reasons. You’ll find your kids will be going above and beyond what even you expected them to do because they believe in it and can get behind it.
So take the challenge and answer the call.
Change your own mindset from “I’m the parent, I deserve respect, I give orders my children blindly follow them because I’m entitled to it”. By just taking a quick look at that mindset you can clearly see it’s all about I I I.
And yes you are the parent, you do deserve respect for putting food on the table, clothes on their back, and all the time you’ve given up to raise your child.
But you’ll never get those things until you become a better parent and you can shift the perception of your child to where they recognize all you do.
This means you have to get into the “you” mentality.
Make it a point to never again say “because I said so”.
Instead when you’re giving a command to your child or better yet when you’re thinking about the best way to do so, ask yourself “how can I get my child to voluntarily go along with this? How can I get them to beyond above and beyond the basics and actually take ownership for making this activity great?”
It’s basic negotiation and psychology 101 but still an incredibly powerful.
I’ve never been a parent myself but from the child perspective I know this all too well.
When you start to put yourself in the shoes of your child and look at things from their perspective your results will improve 100% perhaps even up to 10,000%.
Your relationship with your child will improve by volumes you never previously imagined.
You’ll find you love your child more and want to spend more time and communicate with them more. And your child will love and appreciate you far more than they ever thought possible.
One of the subtle reasons for this is your becoming a better leader and a better communicator and subconsciously your child will pick up on us.
Ultimately, you can’t force anyone to do anything. But you can compel them with the power of a good reason(s).
So stand up today, decide to be accountable for becoming a better parent, and take this simple step of giving the logical reason or two why you’re telling your child to do __________.
You and your child will love the new you. And your whole family will love the results.